Just to follow up on yesterday’s post about The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. I would like to stress that the following analysis is my opinion only and that I have no qualifications in psychology.
After my morning coffee, I watched a brief clip from last year’s season, where Lisa cuts off her friendship with Kyle. I am not entirely surprised to note the language that Lisa uses: –
Kyle says: “I’m here as your friend. I’m telling you how it looks. That doesn’t mean that I don’t love you.”
Lisa replies: “I don’t care if you love me or not!”
And then Lisa says: “You came here to call me a liar and I don’t appreciate that. If you came over here and said to me – ‘I’m telling you on (your daughter’s) life – that is not the truth and I know nothing about this story’ – You know what sweetie? I’d believe you. So we’re done.“
Lisa gets super angry when accused of something that is at least credible. It’s something she has been accused of repeatedly over several seasons of The Real Housewives, that is, selling stories to the press. Repeated allegations don’t necessarily point to the truth, just because they are repeated. But it does show that the facts have never come to light. For some peculiar reason, the real culprit has never been discovered. Why not?
And might I say that if Lisa did do it (and I’m not saying that she did), then it’s not a high crime. It would be sneaky and a bit mean, but hardly something you would never be forgiven for. I’m sure we have all done our share of mean things, to be fair.
Yet, Lisa is willing to end a ten-year friendship over it – with a woman who just said how much she loves Lisa. Is this rational behavior? I don’t think so! According to our Lovely Lisa, her word is her word and for someone not to believe her word is the ultimate betrayal or insult, it would appear. But I ask you, would you really be so intensely upset over something you didn’t do anyway? Look…. I doubt it.
Classically, you do see narcissists playing this game. (And I’m not saying that Lisa is a narcissist, as I really have no idea.) If narcissists are caught out in a lie, they play the victim. My former friend did the same thing – issue a blanket denial and then pretend that she was the one who was being targeted with bulling behavior. She could be convincing, especially if you hadn’t gone out of your way to collect the facts first.
Kyle would have done better to actually go on a fact-finding mission and get to the real truth via other methods. Confronting a suspected narcissist is not a great idea. They deny everything, lash out in anger and then retreat, pretend they are the victim and then ultimately punish you by refusing contact with you. In extreme cases, they end the relationship completely. It’s probably not worth confronting them, really, as you will never get the satisfaction of ‘calling them out’. They will never admit defeat – defeat is close to death or oblivion for the narcissist.